


You Matter to Me

by Nebbles



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pining, azure moon specific, two lonely people seeking comfort in one another
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebbles/pseuds/Nebbles
Summary: As the war goes on, Lorenz and Ferdinand find themselves getting rather close.As the end of the war approaches, there are feelings there that neither can deny.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir & Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, Ferdinand von Aegir/Lorenz Hellman Gloucester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	You Matter to Me

Enbarr draws ever closer, and with that, the hold around Lorenz’s heart continues to tighten. It is partially due to leaving the Alliance to collapse upon itself. Claude leaving the confines of Fódlan plays a part as well, but one he’s come to terms with. It is trepidation towards the final battle and the future that seem to trouble him most. What is to become of the Empire, once it falls? What will come of the land his father supports, all for the sake of “benefitting” their territory?

Is it truly beneficiary to build power upon the plight of others, using their corpses to pave the way towards security? Towards “safety”? Try as he may, abiding by such barbarity refuses to sit well with him. He fears how this may affect others more, however. 

More so, he worries how it will affect the man lying in his arms, sleeping soundly, something of relaxation finally on his face.

For quite some time, even before the war, he and Ferdinand often met for tea. They discussed matters of politics and nobility, and how they planned to use their positions in the future. How ignorant they were back then, he thinks, how they thought a simple title would carry them alone. Titles did not save others who have died in this war, nor from getting everything stripped from them. The hope they held to lead well still carries through, however, especially after everything the five years have taught them.

Lorenz cannot say either of them have coped well with their losses. To admit heartache and regret over Claude leaving without getting much closure is something he’s had to swallow. He’s been able to repair the mark on his heart, if Ferdinand next to him is any evidence of such a thing. He’s helped ease any pains with his presence alone.

Their talks began to change into something more as the army began to push closer into the Empire. They would still speak of what they could do to help all of Fódlan, yes, once the war has come to its end. However, Ferdinand also began to speak of Edelgard. Of Hubert, and all the things he could have done if they just would listen to him. Of how his heart clenched at the thought of having to kill them both, of how it was his duty.

The sadness in his eyes was enough to undo any walls Lorenz dared build up around his heart, but he did not wish to invite heartache once more. It would be easier to swallow his feelings and keep the meetings restricted to talks over tea. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was Ferdinand who asked him to stay first, his hand gripping Lorenz’s, thumb pressing into the palm of his hand.

His heart leapt to his throat, fully knowing the intention behind Ferdinand’s words. He allowed himself to be pulled into his arms, their lips meeting, the faint taste of tea mingled with desperation staining them. 

Lorenz also did not stop their meetings from going beyond said kisses. It’d be a lie to say he felt nothing for Ferdinand. Perhaps he held affections for him and Claude both, and life lead him to Ferdinand’s arms. This was not the way he expected to show his feelings, having the other man under him, chasing pleasure to ward off the unease in their hearts.

He takes the time to study Ferdinand, admiring the dusting of freckles under his eyes, how his shoulders and arms are peppered with them as well. His curls cascade down his back, adorning his face in the most attractive manner -- and he could easily compare its feel to the finest of silks. Ferdinand is gorgeous, achingly so, and Lorenz is aware there’s little he can do to deny what he feels. If he were to be more callous, Lorenz would also take time to focus on how well-toned his body is, how years of horseback riding has benefitted his thighs, how his arms and core are more than pleasant to skirt his fingers across, how soft his skin is… he almost feels greedy in how much he continues to desire Ferdinand.

Lorenz gently cards his fingers through his hair, shifting slightly in an attempt to make the soreness in his hips bearable. He is aware he should rest as well, but too many things are on his mind. It pains him to wake Ferdinand, but he places a gentle kiss to the side of his head, nestling against him. 

Ferdinand offers a soft noise, leaning slightly into his hand as his eyes fluttered open. “Mmn… Lorenz, what hour is it…?”

“Hardly any time has passed since you’ve slept.” Goddess, he sounds so tired. Even had they not given themselves to one another just hours ago, the exhaustion in his voice would still be present. “Forgive me for waking you so suddenly. I wanted to speak with you.”

A soft yawn escapes him as he offers Lorenz a sleep-laden kiss, looking up at him. “What is it you wish to speak of?”

The kiss softens his heart further, were such a feat possible. He is ready to give himself in full to this man. “I was worried about how you were faring.”

“Ah,” he breathes out softly, “I assume you speak of how close we are to the capital.”

“I do. It is on my mind as well.” He tangles his hands deeper into Ferdinand’s curls. There is another matter he wishes to speak of as well, of course, but he won’t voice that quite yet. “But I know this pains you, Ferdinand. This was your home.”

“I have already accepted Edelgard will not listen to me. Even if I still wish to talk her down from fighting, she will never bend her ear.” A sigh escapes from his lips. “She and Hubert have hidden this from me, Lorenz. I was never a part of her plans for the future. And I could not stand by and watch innocents be harmed for her cause. I cannot abide by it.”

“That is simply their loss.” Ferdinand deserves so much more, he muses, than to be some lapdog of the Emperor. “I have listened to you speak, Ferdinand. You would benefit the Empire greatly. You would strive for equality between nobles and commoners, and whether they bear a Crest or not would be irrelevant.”

“I do believe my ideas will benefit Aegir territory, as well as the Empire. Or, rather, what is left of it.” Lorenz frowns at this, remembering that Edelgard had no issue in dismantling any power the Aegir family once held. “But then I think of what I have tried to accomplish, and my efforts have borne no fruit. Edelgard continues to push back, even if we are on the Empire’s doorstep. Can I truly say I have accomplished as much as she has? Even if she has started this awful war?”

“You should not compare yourself to her, Ferdinand,” he says with all the softness in the world, “because no one else in this world is quite like you.”

In the darkness of their shared room, soft moonlight filtering through the windows, a warm flush decorates Ferdinand’s cheeks. “I… I do not know if I am worthy of such praises.”

“Nonsense.” Lorenz brushes a loose lock of hair behind Ferdinand’s ear. “You spoke of keeping your noble heart throughout this conflict, did you not?” His free hand places itself on Ferdinand’s chest, over said heart. “To keep true to oneself in the midst of hardship is admirable. You are strong, Ferdinand, even if you have these moments of doubt.”

Even after losing his father, after spending the night sobbing softly into Lorenz’s chest, does his opinion refuse to waver.

Ferdinand takes the hand tangled in his hair, pressing gentle kisses to Lorenz’s fingers. “You deserve words of admiration as well, Lorenz. You have lost much, with the Alliance collapsing. Yet you have remained resolute throughout it all.”

It’s something they often spoke of, their past losses, baring their hearts to each other. Both were well aware what feelings their hearts once held. With such honesty, it made these meetings more personal, somehow. It’s more than meaningless sex, attempts to curb their loneliness. That’s something Lorenz has been feeling for a while now, and wonders if Ferdinand feels the same. If they’re ready to get rid of the casual air surrounding this, that is. While Lorenz would normally think there’s hardly any nobility in such actions, he cannot bring himself to care.

  
It would be less noble to leave Ferdinand with his heart in shambles, as well as his own. It is prudent to chase one’s happiness, even in the form of seeking pleasure such as this. He truly cares for Ferdinand, in body and soul. The soft smile on his face is worth protecting, and he wishes to claim his heart as his own.

“If I am to be the head of the Alliance, I must benefit its people.” Ferdinand’s lips are warm, revitalizing. “I must care for nobles and commoners alike. They both are important factors for its well being. I must give back to the people, and not just for their approval.”

He wants to add that the Alliance could use someone like Ferdinand, but the words vanish on his tongue. He cannot ask him to simply abandon his home, despite how he yearns. 

“I know you will rule it magnificently.” Ferdinand’s hand links with his own, giving it a soft squeeze. “You have grown very wise, Lorenz. I have faith in you.”

“And I share that same faith in you.” His lips find their way to Ferdinand’s once more, the kiss lingering perhaps a bit longer than it should. “If I may, there is something else I wish to ask of you.”

He’s given a quick kiss in return. “My ears are yours.”

“Ferdinand,” he draws the other in closer, “I have given this situation of ours much thought. And while I cannot say I know what lies for us after, I do not think I can call our meetings casual much longer. The feelings I hold within my soul for you go past what this affair began as. I would wish to call you mine, Ferdinand, would you have me.”

  
Ferdinand’s close enough to where Lorenz can make out a faint splash of color against his cheeks. His eyes widened slightly, expression tender as focuses on nothing else but the one by his side. “Lorenz…”

“I have admired you for some time now, I must admit,” he continues softly, stroking Ferdinand’s cheek, “and while I did not expect to start a relationship with you in this manner, I cannot lie to myself any longer.”

The silence worries him -- Lorenz is aware that Hubert, who they will be facing soon, was a past object of Ferdinand’s affections. While it was perhaps not as deep as love, there was something between them both, was there not? He certainly hopes he is more than a simple rebound; he does doubt that Ferdinand would use him in such a manner. Waiting for him to speak is agonizing, and Lorenz starts to fear the worst before he speaks once more.

“I would be happy to call myself yours.” Ferdinand lifts his hand, squeezing Lorenz’s tightly. “Whatever I felt for Hubert in the past pales in comparison to you. You are admirable and brilliant, and I enjoy speaking of all manners with you. I am beyond glad, Lorenz, that I have sought comfort within your arms.”

“Truly?” It’s Lorenz’s turn to fluster now, an expression of surprise gracing his features. “I would not wish to take advantage of you. I want to make sure this is what your heart desires.”

“Were I unsure, I would not have asked you stay.” His free hand traces down Lorenz’s side, memorizing his curves, the softness of his skin. “Do remember it was I who asked first. I did not know how to properly cope with the pain, the sadness… and within the comforts you offered me, I realized I had fallen for you, Lorenz, my rose.”

It’s rare Lorenz is knocked speechless, but he finds himself unable to offer any words back to Ferdinand. He’s amazed, that in their moments of desperation, a desire to mask their pain, their souls were already given to one another. They just needed a moment to finally admit such matters of the heart.

“I know you would never do such things, either.” Ferdinand leans over to place a soft kiss on Lorenz’s brow. “That is not like you. You possess too good a heart to ever want to bring harm unto others.”

Always fancy with his words, isn’t he? Lorenz finds himself smiling once more, melting under Ferdinand’s gentle praises. He isn’t once to mince words himself, but he’ll let Ferdinand continue to offer his sweet nothings. They’re as soft and warm as his hold itself, gentle as the sun’s rays in the early hours of the morning.

“We have grown so much over the past five years.” Ferdinand’s kisses drift down to Lorenz’s lips, to his jaw. “And together, we can do that much more. We will continue to learn from each other, and benefit Fódlan.”

He does wonder what they will do after the war, given they will be on separate sides of the continent. But that is something they can work on together in the future, yes? They will have time to discuss such matters. No longer do either of them need to be chained by loneliness any more.

“I will be honored to continue to grow by your side.” Lorenz murmurs softly, each kiss sending small sparks of electricity throughout his skin. “I can think of no better future for us both.”

They lie in silence for some time after that, exchanging gentle kisses and touches. Ferdinand is so warm against him, their legs intertwining, desiring closeness once more. As much as the war’s taken from them, the comforts they’ve found in one another perhaps trumps all the heartache they’ve been forced to endure. The march on Enbarr will hardly be easy, but Lorenz knows neither of them are alone. Obviously, they have another, but they have others backing them.

Lorenz rather enjoys the unpredictable aspects of life, the more he thinks on it. His impulses lead him to back the professor under the banner of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and now into Ferdinand’s arms. He is no longer under the oppressive thumb of his father. To defy him further brings him a sense of joy, oddly enough.

Hah, what would he say, with knowledge he has more interest in bringing home a man rather than a woman? If the Alliance is his, can anyone say much about his choice in lovers? 

He tables those matters for another time, another discussion to share with Ferdinand when the time arrives. For now, Lorenz is content to let his senses be swept up, protected in the shelter of his arms.

He allows himself to fall in love.


End file.
